I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
