Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
