Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
