ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
