You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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