i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
