What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
