I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
