hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
