he thought i was a dude.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
