We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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