are you still at the devil's house?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
