drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
