peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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