Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
