our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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