That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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