I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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