Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
