You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
