There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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