I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
