I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
