It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
