who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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