I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
