Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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