You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
