I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
