WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
