you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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