Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's the barista slut.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
