So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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