Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's JV to your varsity
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
