I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
