you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What a dumb baby whore.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
3 2 1 whiskey
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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