Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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