i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
