No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
