I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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