That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
