TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
