My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
