it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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