It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
