3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
