remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
