She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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