In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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