Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
