i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I deserve to be covered in dicks
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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